The day he left me, my whole world came crumbling down. I had loved him so much and then it was over—just like that. We had argued a few days prior, but it did not warrant a break-up. Yet, it happened and I was thrust into a world of pain, lies and distrust. The man I thought I knew, no longer stood in front of me. He was replaced by a stranger—a cold, distant stranger. I no longer knew myself—who was I? Why was I? Where did I belong? Where do I go from here? As I pondered these questions, covering my tear ridden face under makeup and dark glasses, fearful that the world would see how vulnerable I had become, I was faced with a new reality—I was alone.

I arrived in the US seven years ago as a student. My husband and I had met a few years prior and we had recently gotten married. It was a new life and a new beginning. At first everything seemed fine. Sure, I missed my family and hometown, but I was with the man I loved. Soon, however, things began to change. My husband was also a student, and perhaps it was the course load or the stress of making ends meet on a very tight budget, but we began to become distant. By the end of the second year of our marriage, I felt like we were roommates rather than husband and wife. When I would bring this up with him, he would get upset. He could get upset easily, and so I developed a habit of not saying anything. It seemed to me that his friends took precedence over me, and I began slipping into depression. By year four, he proclaimed that he no longer loved me—and that we should separate. I went home to my parents with our one year old child. I stayed there for several months, during which time he and I would speak on the phone. He said that he was wrong and he did love me and wanted me back. Should I have believed him? I don’t know. What I do know is that I wanted to believe him. So I returned to the illusion— and that’s where I stayed for the next three years until he walked out.

Since that day I have found out so many things—things I refused to see before, about him and about me. What I learnt about him, I had a hard time accepting, but when the truth slaps you in the face there is no hiding from it. That pain is with me to this day and I only wish it would go away. I also learnt a lot about myself. I learnt that I could take care of myself; I learnt that I was not so weak; and I learnt that I still have a lot to give. I also realized how blessed I am to have the wonderful friends, family, and child that I do. For them, I thank my Creator everyday.

Going through a divorce is never easy—but sometimes it is inevitable, and perhaps in my case, it is for the better. As the saying goes, ‘for every cloud, there is a silver lining’. I am no longer afraid—I am ready to embrace the world!

Anonymous